As men around the world stop shaving for the month of November and demonstrate their hirsute side to raise awareness of men’s health, the world’s hotbed of facial hair, Bavaria, must be bristling.
You see, Germans throughout the ages have excelled not only in growing moustaches, but also in sculpting them into veritable upper-lip-art-forms. Take Kaiser Willhelm II for example…he had a moustache which would make any fellow proud!
Adolf Hitler, on the other hand, was a total cad. But you only had to look at that stunted little tuft of lip-hair to know that.
You see, the mark of a good moustache is not so much the volume as the angle of ascent. A proper German moustache should point upwards, quite unlike the Slavic model favoured by generations of Russians and Eastern Europeans, from Stalin to Lech Walesa, which most definitely pointed down.
A genuine hirsute German in Movember is aiming for something more adventurous than just a tuft or two of chin-fluff. The competition between hot-blooded Teutons is fierce when it comes to facial hair. Beards and moustaches are pulled, twisted, curled and rollered to perfection at this time of the year when any old Johann, Fritz and Heinrich threatens to join the party.
So for those who are growing a Movember moustache, I can exclusively reveal the secret weapon of the Bavarian beard-wearer… you need to buy a tube of proper Bavarian tache-wax. This is like hair-gel on steroids. With this in your armoury, you too can sculpt your Movember-fluff into a replica model of the Forth Bridge… or an anatomically correct pushme-pullyou*