The German postman brought me an invitation to attend the DRUPA today.
For those who don’t have much to do with the media business, the DRUPA is the printing and paper industry’s biggest trade fair. It’s held in Düsseldorf every four years.
For the rest of the population, the DRUPA is the creator and perpetrator of corporate anthems so hideous that even short exposure to them will result in insanity and inevitable death.
The instant I opened the envelope and found my invitation to DRUPA…. this song (and I apologise on my knees for making you click on that link) shot through my brain like lightening.
I first heard that song back in 1986. And it’s been running round in my head almost continuously ever since. The Germans call it an Ohrwurm. I call it a sadistic form of musical torture. I’ll be sitting somewhere, on a bus or in a business meeting… and all of a sudden the 1986 DRUPA song will pop into my head and I’ll find myself humming along to it. People near me feign a sudden interest in reading their bus ticket or last month’s sales figures… usually the seat next to me is empty. Nobody wants to sit next to the person who hums the DRUPA song under her breath.
There was a brief time when I didn’t have that DRUPA song on my brain. It was in 2000. That was when I had THIS on my brain instead. The millenium DRUPA anthem has the advantage of lyrics which seem to have been written by an infinite number of monkeys which makes them harder to remember than the previous version. So within six months I’d forgotton that one… my brain reverted to permanently humming the 1986 one – a sort of musical version of tinnitus.
Four years later, however, in 2004 THIS happened… the ABBA-revival version of the DRUPA anthem… complete with backing singers warbling “Super Druper” and some of the least probable lyrics of all time. Even the infinite number of monkeys couldn’t have achieved that!
So now we come to the present day. The invitation is sitting staring at me on the desk… and I know what will happen when I go. This year’s anthem is already written and it will be performed at top volume at the fair itself. If I sacrifice all for my career and attend the fair… I will condemn myself to four years of yet another DRUPA anthem on the brain….
I may have to go outside and shoot myself.