My scary heating system

While I’m on the subject of German housing and how wonderfully modern and efficient it is, I should point out that probably the only exception to this in the whole of Germany is the house where I live.

All other German homes seem to be functional, sensibly laid out and generally built with an eye to the practical.

Not mine. Take our creepy heating system, for example. It was there before we moved in… in fact if the estate agent had advertised some of its quirks honestly, the house would probably still be up for sale. For a start it’s noisy. Not in a normal central heating system sort of way. More like a box full of wailing banshees trying to club their way out of Hell with metal hammers sort of way. Luckily it is situated a long way from where we sleep… so our dreams are not disturbed by the sounds of Hades on acid.

Let me show you a picture of the diabolical heating system in question.

Anything strike you as odd?

Look again. A few stray wires… the cobwebs (I know, I know…housework was never my thing)… no that’s not what I meant.

The odd thing about our heating system is it’s mounted on the outside of the house. You know…outdoors… the big place which gets really really cold in Winter. So when you turn up the boiler, you’re trying to heat the entirety of Germany before a trickle of warmth deigns to make its way into your radiators.

Well I’ve got news for you, boiler. This Summer’s plan is to get you replaced. Junked. Stuck out on the Sperrmüll. We’re going to get a shiny new quiet boiler and we’re going to have it inside the house.

So there.

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