Beware: Christian drivers on the German Autobahn…

One of the strangest things about travelling on the German motorways is that every now and then you will pass a sign which looks like this.

Germany, it seems, has an entire network of specialised churches for the use of drivers on the Autobahn.

Now, given the way that some Germans drive, there is an obvious logic here. Before setting off into the maelstrom of grannies and boy racers, Dutch caravans and Polish trucks… including substantial stretches where no speed limits apply, it might be prudent to have a quick word with the Almighty regarding the afterlife.

I do worry though,  that German road users on the vast high-speed Autobahn network might be putting a little too much faith in divine intervention.

Many years ago, I once accepted a lift from a German nun, who was a case in point. Her vehicle was a tiny light blue VW beetle with a rosary dangling from the rear view mirror and a small statue of the Holy Virgin on her dashboard. Before setting off, the good Sister uttered a cursory prayer to the Virgin to keep us safe on our journey. Having ensured our safety in this manner, she clearly saw no further purpose in using secular means to get us to our destination in one piece…. things like mirrors, brakes or indicators. No, at a speed which was clearly inspired by the angels rather than VW’s engineers, we hurtled along the Autobahn, swerving from one lane to the next with only an occasional Hail Mary to see us safely around the next forty tonner. Only the sheer strength of her faith got us to our destination in one piece… it was certainly nothing to do with any driving skills. My nerves have never recovered.

Recently I have noticed that many Germans put a discrete fish-shaped sticker on the back of their vehicle, which shows that they are practising Christians.  Clearly, this is intended as a warning to other drivers. A car with a fish-sticker will pull out without indicating because a higher power is protecting it. A fish-sticker car can travel at whatever speed it likes, because speed cameras will miraculously not blitz them. I have become very wary of fish-sticker cars.

So I am planning to develop a range of bumper stickers which say atheist. These will be used to denote that the car relies on the driver looking in the mirror, indicating, travelling at an appropriate speed for the traffic conditions and generally obeying the rules of the road.

Anyone want one?


Filed under About Germany, Life in Germany

7 responses to “Beware: Christian drivers on the German Autobahn…

  1. Cathy,

    You cannot generalise. The stereotype of bad Christian drivers is as offensive as the stereotype of bad Asian drivers. Tut-tut.

    That said, I rather agree with you.

    For many years, across several continents, I noticed that drivers of cars with fish-stickers on the back drive like (if you’ll pardon the expression) hell.

    I guess speeding is the only thrill you’re allowed, when you’ve been forbidden from sex, drugs, and swearing.

    Perhaps aggressive road manners are a sign of sexual frustration. Horniness affects one’s ability to concentrate–it certainly affects mine!

    I rather like the idea of an atheist bumper sticker. “God is NOT my co-pilot. I use a map.”

  2. I’ll take two if that’s ok.

  3. I’ve seen the ‘evolve’ and ‘darwin’ fish bumper sticker variants, but rather than offend and instead raise a smile, I like the ‘fish ‘n’ chips’ bumper stickers.

    Now all I need is a car!

  4. Even among enthusiastic Christains, who seriously stops a car journey to pray at a roadside chapel. Do these places get any patronage??

  5. annonamoose

    I am always puzzled by some of these quotes and wonder if I have poor Pfarrer Whatshisname to blame for the atrocious translation or the BBC.

    “…. and the police found him far away. Afterwards, he sent a letter to me that he was happy not to be killed.”

    not far away? happy not to be dead?

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