We’re a week into December and if you’re like me the only preparation you’ve managed so far for Christmas is downing a couple of Glühweins at the local Christmas market.
But all is not lost! In the days of online shopping, you can still find the ultimate in typical (and not-so-typical) German Christmas gifts and get them sent direct to your loved ones. A quick trawl of the great-wide-shopping-mall-in-the-ether came up with these unmissable Christmas goodies.
1. Bavarian Backwards Clock
In Bavaria clocks work differently. Apparently. Right. That’ll be useful then.
2. Cuddly wild boar piglet
Warning – it comes with the name Wutzi. Even a two year old will probably find that too embarrassing.
3. The Maultasche
A Maultasche is a type of ravioli from Baden-Württemburg. Literally Maul (= Mouth)- Tasche (= Bag). This is German humour at its… well it’s German humour anyway.
4. The Nutcracker
Germans are normally pretty good at design and engineering. Here is one example of where they’re not. The wooden huzar-shaped nutcracker may have many uses, but cracking nuts is definitely not one of them. Unless we’re talking male-sterilisation here… in which case it might work.
5. A piece of Berlin Wall (executive size)
Which of your friends would not be delighted to receive an executive sized (sic) piece of concrete mounted on a wooden plaque?
6. Grandfather Cuckoo Clock
Of course you could just buy your relatives a regular annoying cuckoo clock to bug them on the hour, every hour. But why not go the whole hog and get them a grandfather cuckoo clock with inbuilt musical box with three teeth-grating melodies.
7. Hamburg Elbkiesel
A typical North German speciality. Sweets that are made to look like gravel. Yes you read that right.
8. Schnapps Pipe
Who would want to drink Schnapps from a normal glass when you could drink it from a porcelein pipe and look like a total prannock?
9. Lederhosen apron and tankard oven glove
The ultimate in Bavarian barbecue chic…. just imagine yourself grilling your Bratwurst in this!
10. Scale model DDR watchtower
In high quality printed cement-grey cardboard, a build-it yourself model watchtower to cut out, glue together and throw away. An absolute must-have for all older generations. Once you’ve checked what they did in the war, obviously.