What do you mean…

cats are no good at gardening?

What do you miss about the UK?

I often get asked this. The answer is… not much. Well actually, at this time of year there’s one thing. The Creme Egg.

Here’s one way to open one… brought to you by the official flatmate from Hell!

Oh deer!

My daughters just saw a couple of deer in our garden. They wandered off up the lane towards the main road. By the time I got there, there was no sign of them. I do hope they manage to find their way back to where they came from… wherever that is!

What the Germans think of American fast food

Meet the McBurgerQueen Burger.

Songs without words…

… at least that was probably what the bookbinder thought he was writing….though his typo is amusingly appropriate if you ask me!

At least the printer got it right on the inside though.

A little sunshine…

has brought the bees out in the garden.

The lumberjack song in German

It’s a classic… but did you know they made a German version too?

Spring flowers

This year the crocuses in my garden are beautiful.  I thought I’d share a few pictures…

Alaaf and Helau

Following on from the knobbly stick, here’s a story about a knobbly broomstick.

All you need to know to understand the film is:

1. Köln and Düsseldorf are rival cities

2. At Karneval time, people from Köln greet each other with “Alaaf!” and Düsseldorfers greet each other with “Helau!”

3. This clip was created by a Kölner

4. In the clip, a new piece of voice-activated street-sweeping equipment is being tested. To operate… just say “Alaaf!”

Enjoy!

The correct use of the knobbly stick

One of the key tools of parenting as you get older is the knobbly stick.

A knobbly stick is the thing that old fogies wave at young whippersnappers in order to make their point. Of course, you have to learn it from somewhere… so yesterday we had a knobbly stick technique course over the dinner table.

Here we see our older daughter practising her technique.  This is the “air jab”… to accompany phrases like: “Young people nowadays don’t know how to behave…” or “When I was your age…”

Here we see the defensive gesture. This one goes with phrases such as: “Stay away from my rhubarb plot,” or “I’ll have your guts for garters!”

And here we see the parental maestro himself demonstrating the “attacking jab” which usually goes with an accusation. “You’ve not done the washing up for three days in a row, lad. You want to buck your ideas up.”

I hope you’re all practising at home!