Beware the flying goose…

One of the things that’s difficult for me about living in Germany is the total absence of spicy food. German cuisine is bland. The best they can think of to spice it up seems to be mustard or possibly a dab of horseradish. As someone who likes curries and chilli dishes this just doesn’t challenge the taste-buds enough.

So over Easter I was excited to find this range of sauces being used in a restaurant we visited. It’s called Flying Goose Brand. The owner kindly told us where she’d bought it… and we duly toddled along and acquired a couple of bottles. The extra-garlic and the super hot chilli variety.

I have one thing to say about this sauce. It must never ever fall into the hands of our enemies.

I’d made a rice and stir-fry lunch and we thought we’d try the new sauces with it. All of us are used to spicy additives in our family. I regularly add chillies to our food. I chuck tabasco into most things. I have a large size jar of sambal there on the shelf… and a tube of harissa lurking in the fridge…

But the Flying Goose is something else again. It has truly caustic properties. It is so hot it feels like the skin is peeling from your mouth. Your tongue becomes paralysed… your throat is on fire and as the food slowly sears its way to your stomach you know you just made the biggest mistake in your life.

That was the extra-hot one. The extra garlic variety has the advantage that it is every so slightly less spicy… but it also has the disadvantage that nobody will ever sit in the same room as you again. The garlic content is overwhelming. You breathe garlic, you sweat garlic … the neighbours three streets away are wondering where that garlic smell is coming from. It seeps into the carpets and curtains. The walls absorb the smell of garlic. You are forced to demolish your home.

The effect lasts for days. It takes twenty four hours for the burning taste to subside… but by then the food is working its way relentlessly through your system and suddenly you understand why it is called Flying Goose Brand.  Whatever you ate goes through you, just like shit through a goose.

Actually, it reminded me less of a flying goose and more of the space shuttle on take off. Because the fire has not abated during its long journey through your intestines… if anything the after-burn is even worse than the initial flame.

Of course, at this point you realise you’ve left it too late to flee the country. Because Germany, with its inspection-shelf model toilets is not the place you want to be when Flying Goose diarrhoea strikes…

After about half a day you stop functioning like a human flame-thrower and over the course of the next week your system slowly begins to recover. Your appetite returns and the thing you crave most in the world is a spicy kebab….

Slowly, reluctantly, you reach for the Flying Goose bottle again….

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9 Comments

Filed under Life in Germany

9 responses to “Beware the flying goose…

  1. bigappletobigbear

    This is just Thai hot sauce. I quite like it because it’s not oily. A bit vinegarry, but I like it. Doesn’t replace Louisiana hot sauce for me (not Tabasco, which I think is just boring).

  2. Kartoffelguy

    Bland? Most American’s sense of taste is corrupted by waaaay overly spiced (industrial) food 😉
    Same for Asians with their glutamate… After some time there you don’t taste any nuances anymore…

  3. Sriracha sauce is good, but I really prefer adding Chili in Garlic Oil to my asian dishes, you should try that sometime.

    Oh, and your book finally just arrived, I had to order it from Amazon UK. I’m in the middle of a huge bio of John Adams though, so there’s no telling when I will start it!

  4. Oh I understand! My first week in Germany and I already found my way to an Asian market in Mannheim just so I could pick up a bottle Flying Goose and a pack wasabi-laced nuts.

  5. I was searching for a place to buy these awesome sriracha sauces that I, too, came to love during my time in Germany and I happened upon your post here.

    It inspired me to send money via paypal to my German buddy and former roommate begging him to send me the Extra Garlic and Extra Spicy varieties.

  6. @kartoffelguy: You must be Danish, aren’t you? Yes, German and Scandinavian food are bland. No taste at all. They don’t use nothing but salt and pepper and you call us fed with glutamate?

    Maybe it’s your Danish tastebuds that are rotten from too much beer and cigarette – that can’t tell the difference between bland or spicy food.

  7. Langhaar

    Flying goose brand is the best Chilli Sauce i ever tried… Use it on almost everything! (though i am Danish!? – and yes.. Original Danish food = Fat and Salt – nothing more, nothing less ;D )
    keeping it simple .. has it’s charm, doesn’t it ? .. But i’m much more a fan of Spicy Asian and Mexican food! – and for “Kartoffelguy”‘s information only Extreme amounts of Chili will corrupt ones tastesense – actually small ammounts are required for you’re Toungue not to “forget” the bitter tastes . (Cognitive research)
    Chili/Garlic proves good substitutes for salt . and are a must in any weight-loss Diet (speeds up the digestion)!

  8. Mike

    I have this problem abroad as well (japan) just no hot food! I found this sauce and tried it, but to be honest its really not all that hot either. It has a nice taste, really good (that alone is reason to buy it)! But it’s not going to be blistering hot like a well made Thai dish or something. I wish! Haven’t tried the garlic or regular spicy verities yet (just the extra hot one).

  9. Jonah

    As a sriracha addict, I was sad to not find it in any store near me in Germany. When I finally found an Asian food store I was ecstatic and bought a bottle of the regular and extra spicy. Have to say, I LOVED the extra spicy version, as it was noticeably spicier than the Huy Fong brand you always find in America. I literally bathe my food in this stuff!

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